Campfire Talk – Week 8
by Addy Ruth (pictured above, farthest on the right with other staff members)
Hi, my name is Addy, and I am the camp nurse here. I was on program staff for two years before this, so I’ve been around the block a few times.
Over my many years at camp, I’ve learned a lot about myself. One of those things is that I don’t like to talk about things until I’ve already figured them out. Once something hard has passed and I’ve overcome the struggle, then I have no problem explaining it to other people, noticing how God was there all along, and everything ended up okay. What’s much harder for me to do is talk to people when I’m currently struggling.
Over the past few years, my family has undergone many changes. My parents got divorced two years ago and with court date after court date, they only just solidified it this January. Over those two years I had stopped talking to my dad and my mom was going through continuous mental health struggles.
During that time, it was very awkward for me to talk about what was going on with my friends. They knew my dad would not be coming to my sorority’s dad’s weekend like he had in past years, but didn’t know much more about why. I hated when people felt bad for me and I had to explain what had happened. I hated that people felt like they had to help me or check in on me. And most of all, I hated being the one who needed to be helped.
My whole life I had taken pride in being the helper. I loved to listen to peoples struggles and offer them a shoulder to cry on, or being able to lighten someone’s mood. However, I’ve realized that it is much easier to be the one helping than be the one asking for help.
When so much of your life has been spent being the person others can rely on, relying on other people does not come naturally. I preferred to act like everything was fine and quickly change the subject to ask about what was going on in their lives rather than open up myself.
I was so worried about overwhelming or burdening other people that it felt better to just deal with it myself and move on.
I think I sometimes do this with God. When things are going well I’m so happy to thank him for the beautiful weather and the friends I have and my family, but when things get hard, instead of turning to god, I sometimes end up turning to myself. It feels easier to tell myself to figure it out and that we can resume with god once this is over and things are good again. I even sometimes truly feel like I’m asking too much of god. Asking for this big of a situation to be resolved while I’m also asking for help with my schoolwork and my friend conflicts and jobs. I feel like I’m asking too much and instead, and it might be better to just stop asking altogether. To be a big girl and figure it out myself.
But one night, when dad’s weekend came and all my friends were with their dads and I was home from the extra shift I picked up, I couldn’t hold on anymore. I called my good friend from camp and broke down about everything that had been going on. I had tried so hard to avoid stressing anyone out and to avoid seeming weak, that I ended up feeling even weaker.
The truth was, I couldn’t handle it by myself. This was not something that I could brush off and move on. I needed my friends, and I needed god.
The next day, I explained everything to my two roommates and eventually to my other good friends. I started tuning in more to my church services and reaching out to people like Caleb and my extended family for help. It was then that I started to feel my feet beneath me again and the hill I was trying so hard to get over felt less tall.
While I still deal with some of the same things, they no longer rule over my everyday life. Letting God help me and allowing my friends to support me, even though it can feel awkward, or embarrassing, or too much, has helped me reclaim the things that are most important to me. Last night, in my devo cabin, we talked about things we feel or have felt insecure about. Leaving that cabin, I felt so blessed by all of those girls, who were so open to sharing what was going on. After each person spoke, we all were able to rally around them, to reassure them and to comfort them. I was surprised by how many close friends had no idea the other had felt this way. And because they were brave enough to share, they were able to gain a stronger support system.
So as I wrap up this talk, I want you guys to try something. I want you to unapologetically ask for help. Bring whatever has been weighing on you, pray about it.
If you feel like taking an extra step, like Galilee did last night, maybe you could open up to a friend or a counselor or a staff member about something that’s been on your chest that you think could use some extra support.
