Campfire Talk – Week 6
by Sierra Kirtz (pictured above giving this talk)
Hi guys, I’m Sierra and I’m a second year on fun squad. I go to Iowa State University in Ames Iowa and my favorite animal is a sloth.
Every single one of us was put on this earth for a reason, and from the moment we are born, our lives are filled with relationships. We have relationships with our parents, our siblings, our friends, our teachers, and the people we meet along the way. Some relationships are incredibly close. Some are complicated. Some come and go. Some are with people we barely know, and some are with people who know almost everything about us. Something I have learned is that no two relationships look exactly the same. But sometimes, instead of appreciating our relationships for what they are, we look at the relationships other people have and wonder why ours don’t look like theirs.
Growing up, I had a tricky relationship with my mom. We went from getting along really well to fighting quickly; we always seemed to butt heads. I remember noticing my friends and the relationships they had with their moms. I would hear about the girls days they would have together, getting their nails done, going shopping, calling each other their best friends, and I wanted that. It’s not that my mom and I didn’t do those things, it was how I didn’t feel like best friends with my mom like my friends did. I wanted the relationship with my mom that I thought everyone else had with theirs.
When I compared my relationship with my mom to the relationships my friends had with theirs, it made me feel like I was missing something. I thought what I had with my mom was somehow worse because it didn’t look like others. But what I didn’t realize then, was that our relationship was still growing.
When I left for college, something changed. Maybe it was the distance. Maybe it was me growing up. Maybe it was finally realizing how much I missed having my mom around and how much I needed her advice. So I started calling her often to catch up on what was going on at home, and I could also tell her about school. Those phone calls slowly became part of my life. I wanted to tell her about my day. I wanted to tell her what was going on at school. I wanted her advice. I wanted to hear about what was happening at home. And little by little, without me even realizing it at first, our relationship started to change. We grew closer. And now, I can honestly say that I have the relationship with my mom that I spent so much of my childhood wishing I had. We got so close that we even got matching tattoos that say Kay because that’s her name and my middle name. And just this past Friday, I went home to surprise her for her birthday. And I think about how much that means to me now. The younger version of myself who looked at other girls with their moms and wondered, “Why can’t I have that?” would be so happy to know that one day, I would.
It just took time.
And it took effort.
Our relationship didn’t magically change overnight. It grew because we both continued to show up for each other. It grew through phone calls and conversations. It grew through time spent together. It grew as I got older and began to understand her more, and maybe as she began to understand me more too. I think one of the biggest mistakes I made was assuming that because our relationship didn’t look the way I wanted it to at that moment, it never would.I was comparing the middle of my story to what I could see of someone else’s. And I think sometimes we do the exact same thing with our relationship with God.
Growing up, I went to church. Maybe not as much as I thought I “should,” but I went. I went to confirmation on Wednesday nights. I prayed when I remembered to. I believed in God. But then I would look at some of the people I went to school with or the kids I went to church with, and I would think, “Wow. They are so strong in their faith.” They seemed so confident talking about God and how they talked about their faith was way deeper than how I talked about mine. They seemed to know exactly what they believed. Maybe they knew Bible verses by heart, prayed all the time, or could talk openly about their faith without feeling uncomfortable. And I compared myself to them. I remember someone once asking me, “How is your faith?” And honestly, the question scared me. It scared me so much that part of me didn’t even want to be friends with that person anymore. Not because they had done anything wrong, but because their question forced me to look at something I was insecure about. I felt like I didn’t have as strong of a relationship with God as they did. And because my faith didn’t look like theirs, I started to think that maybe I wasn’t a good enough Christian. I was going to church. I was going to confirmation. I believed in God. But I still felt like I wasn’t doing enough, my relationship with God didn’t look like the relationships I saw. I realized there was a connection between the way I viewed my relationship with my mom and the way I viewed my relationship with God. I was comparing both of them.
Comparison can be dangerous because when we are constantly looking at what someone else has, we stop seeing what we have — and we stop seeing what our relationships could become.
Romans 2:11 says, “For God does not show favoritism.” God doesn’t look at one of us and say, “Their faith looks better than yours.” He doesn’t love the person who can quote the most Bible verses more than the person who is still trying to understand what they mean. He doesn’t love the person who prays every night more than the person who sometimes forgets. God knows each and every one of us individually. He knows our hearts, our struggles, and our wonderings. Just like my relationship with my mom took time and effort to grow, I have realized that my relationship with God does too. It is ok if you don’t have as strong of a relationship with your mom than your friends, or as strong of a relationship with God as your peers. So as you go forward in this week and in your life, I want you to remember that comparing the relationship you have with God to the person next to you won’t help you build yours. All relationships look different and whether you have a strong faith or not doesn’t make God love you any less.
